Down the road
by Baxxie
Summary: Ruke is finally over and Rayna tries to pick the pieces back up of her life while Deacon fights a whole new battle. Now that she realizes her mistake, will it be too late to get him back? *This story will be my version of the aftermath of the midseason finale.
1. Driving home

**A/N: This first chapter will go from directly where the midseason finale left off, from Rayna's pov, her thoughts in my perspective. I want to show the journey how I would love to see it. Let me know your thoughts and ideas and I hope you like it :)****  
><strong>

It had taken a lot for her to get to this point. For her to finally see what he had probably seen from the beginning. How had she let it get this far? She hadn't been happy, but she kept on going because this was what her company needed, it was what her career needed and she loved him. At least that's what she had told herself. In all honesty she had no idea what she was doing and from the moment she had decided to show up to that premiere instead of the Bluebird, she had been unhappy.

Her life had become such a mess. Her children were miserable and the times they weren't, they ended up doing things or saying things she had never thought they would. They hadn't been raised that way. But she should have seen it coming, she should have talked to them, paid better attention instead of just going with it all and then go on tour, thinking it would get better.

And while this whole relationship was supposed to be good for her label and well, she did win 6 CMA awards and her album went to number one and she got tons of press, she had sacrificed a lot and was this really the way she had wanted to become successful? Riding the coat tails of being the Kind and Queen of country music? She did more press than she ever did, had given away private information not just about herself but had practically sold out others around her and finally realized just how familiar this situation was becoming.

She could still remember the night she saw Deacon so many years ago as she was just about to walk down the aisle. He was fresh out of rehab and the look of shock and pain etched on his face made her want to hold him tight and never let go. He begged her not to do this, told her over and over how he would do better now, he wasn't going back, he was there to stay now, sober and a better man and he loved her and she loved him. But the words of her sister, of Coleman, of basically everyone close to her echoed in her head. He was toxic to her and their unborn child needed a safe environment and a happy home, a stable home, one he would never be able to provide. And so she stood her ground and told him she had moved on and she was getting married to someone who she could depend on and they were having a baby. She could see his heart crumble and it was so hard not to run back and tell him it was all a lie and she did love him. But instead she turned around and went back inside her house and closed the door, only waiting a moment before sliding to the floor and bursting into tears.

Teddy had accused her years later of cheating on him emotionally since the beginning. She had always been in love with Deacon and while she loved Teddy too, it wasn't the same kind of love.

And here she was again. She had told Deacon she had moved on and so should he. She had said Luke and her had a clean slate, one she could never have with deacon. But she knew it was all a lie, a cover up. She was terrified that they would end up as they did back then, that he would end up as he did, tearing her down and going right back to alcohol and drugs, like she had feared him to do every time something went wrong. Yes he had been great with Maddie and she could see he had changed. But that fear was still there and so she chose the safe option. She chose the next Teddy and while she knew this would end badly, she couldn't go through it. She saw the anger and pain on Luke's face this time as she finally admitted to herself and to him how she really felt. Yes a big part of her decision was Deacon, but more so it was her and the life she now barely recognized. This wasn't what she wanted, not for her and definitely not for her girls.

Her life had turned into almost a reality show. She had been chased down the street by paparazzi for heaven's sake. And their new celebration of Christmas was a fake one with camera's and acting happy with over the top decorations and outfits she would never wear. She almost felt embarrassed when Deacon caught her in that situation. And it hit her when he questioned her on what she had done, how she had sold out their relationship to a magazine. Yes, she wanted to keep Maddie out of it, but she hadn't asked Deacon, she just took what they had and gave it away for all to see, something sacred she had vowed never to give away. And he said exactly what she had been thinking deep down for so long, he couldn't understand how she could live her life like that. And then again he professed his love to her when she had gone to explain it at all and her fear got the best of her again and she shot him down harshly.

She realized it all now, she really did. It felt like such a relief to drive away from Luke's ranch. That was it, no turning back. No more rock, no more King and Queen of Country. It was Rayna Jaymes again. No more apologizing for whatever didn't suit Luke or apologizing to her kids for going along with all the over the top ideas he had and how their lives were changing for the worse.

It was back to the three of them and hopefully somewhere along the line, the four of them. If he would ever talk to her again after she kicked him down over and over again. She knew this was far from over though. The press would soon find out that the wedding was off and so would their honeymoon tour be that everyone had worked so hard for. Her career might take a hit and maybe so would her label. But she had to do this. It was necessary. They would make it through, she always did. She had gotten where she was because she wouldn't give up and she had worked long and hard for all of it. She wasn't about to give it up. It would be okay. But before all of that happened, she had to go home and let her family know that it was over. They weren't going to Australia for Christmas, there would be no tour and definitely no boarding school.

As she drove home, tears running down her face, she let it all go through her mind, wondering how this would all turn out. This would be okay. It would. Wouldn't it?


	2. Where will we go from here?

**A/N Thank you for your reviews and follows and favorites, really appreciate it **** This chapter will continue from the finale, showing Deacon and his current situation. I am gonna try to have Luke in it as less as possible, he will only be there when needed for Rayna and Deacon to continue in the right way, but no focus on him. He got way too much attention on the show already and I hope on the show it changes as well.**

Deacon could not stop thinking about his new fate. When the doctor had told him, Scarlett had burst into tears right away, questioning what they needed to do and how sure they were, cause it couldn't be possible. There hadn't been any signs. How could he have liver cancer, they needed to do those tests fast so they could prove the doctors wrong. But all Deacon had been able to think about was just how fitting it was.

People had told him for years that his drinking might kill him some day. They probably hadn't meant for that to be so many years later, but they were right anyway. So here he was, finally receiving the punishment for everything he had put people through, people who had tried to warn him, who had loved him and cared for him when he couldn't do it. That was exactly why he had decided no one else needed to know. He didn't need any pity from people or have someone again take care of him. He wasn't going to let Scarlett do it either. She wouldn't take no for an answer, he knew that, but he wasn't going to let her waste her life on taking care of him in his final days. He didn't deserve that. It was time everyone really moved on now and could be happy.

Like Rayna. She had moved on. Not that he fully believed her, but she was dead set in living her life as a circus, putting on a show. It was done and now it was even more official. She was getting married today for the second time to another man and he would stay out of her way. If that's what she wanted, it's what she would get. No goodbyes, no more regrets. It was over, for both of them, in more ways than one.

He could just imagine how she would react if she knew. She would drag him back to the hospital, demanding the best specialists in there, making him do every single test possible to find a way out. She would not give up until he was on the best treatment and on his way to recovery. He could imagine it, but he knew he didn't deserve it. And also, he wasn't sure he believed she would still do that. Maybe when they were still together, when she was still the Rayna he remembered, Rayna Jaymes and not Luke's fiancé, maybe then she would have. But this current Rayna, after today, Luke's wife, he didn't love that Rayna. He barely recognized her. So yeah, he could move on. No problem.

He had unpacked his suitcases, sitting on his bed as he took it all in. Why did he even unpack? He might not be there much longer. Might as well just pack it all up, make sure Scarlett wouldn't have to take care of anything. He had heard Gunnar come in. And yeah, it hadn't sounded like good news, but maybe they could comfort each other and maybe she could finally patch things up with him. Cause despite what she had said, he knew there was something there. He knew her well enough to know. It was good, she needed someone who could make her happy. She deserved to be happy in every single way.

He looked around the room, thinking of how things would go. Maybe he could head for the cabin eventually, when Scarlett wasn't looking, just head out and not look back. But he couldn't do that to her. He rubbed his hands over his face. No matter what happened, he wanted them to all be happy and not let him mess up their lives in any way. He had caused enough heartache.

Eventually he took a shower and got dressed, taking out boxes and lined them up inside his room. He started putting small things in them, keeping a different box for a different person, making sure they got what he wanted them to have. Everything else could be burned for all he cared. He would let them decide on that or he would give it away. It didn't matter.

He heard Scarlett knock on his door more than once, asking him to come eat something, to talk to her, anything at all. But he ignored all of it. He just continued packing, not wanting to deal with anything else. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to think. Cause that meant thinking about his diagnosis and thinking about that damn wedding and Rayna Jaymes and he didn't want to go there. Not today, not anymore.

Back on the other side of Nashville, Rayna was just pulling into the driveway of her house, knowing she should be there now to get ready for her wedding. Her girls would be there getting ready along with Tandy. She had thought about it the whole drive back. How would she explain this?

She took a deep breath as she walked inside the house, Tandy and the girls sitting right there on the couch.

"Where have you been? We went to wake you and you were gone. You're supposed to be getting ready, we barely have time left now." Tandy started right away, frowning at the look on her sister's face. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to y'all…" She started, trying to smile a little as she had explained what just happened. She felt so small as they looked at her in disbelief, shock, but didn't miss the small smile and relief on Maddie's face.

"So we're not gonna live on Luke's ranch? And we're not going on tour with you? And have Christmas in Australia?" Daphne rattled off.

"Well duh, they're not getting married, so she's not going on tour, right, mom?" Maddie asked, her eyes lighting up, reflecting a sense of peace she herself had felt after taking that heavy ring off her finger. She nodded.

"That's right, yeah. I'm not going anywhere." She said, not fully believing what she had just done still. "I mean, I'm not sure what's gonna happen but the wedding is off and so is the tour." She glanced at Tandy, who was looking at her in shock still, but also trying to figure her out. She quickly looked away.

"Girls, why don't you head on upstairs, I need to talk to your mom for a bit." Tandy said, eyes fixated on her sister.

The girls quickly headed up, Rayna feeling ever so small as she sat on the couch and her sister took a seat in the arm chair in front of her.

"What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't. I haven't been thinking for a long time now." She answered quietly as she took her shoes off and put her bare feet on the couch, pulling up her knees.

"I asked you if you were happy, you said you were. We discussed it last night and then suddenly today, you decided you weren't? Rayna, do you have any idea what consequences this might bring? For you, for the girls, for your label?"

"Yeah, I know, Tandy… I'm aware of what might happen. But I weighed that against what would happen if I did do this and I realized, I should have done it a long time ago. And it was time I made the right decision and put the girls first. That life we were starting to have, that was not me. I couldn't go through with it." She told her sister, who sighed and went to hug her and she let fresh tears fall.

"I have made such a mess of things. And it's only going to get worse, isn't it?"

"Shh, listen… Whatever happens, I am here for you, okay? And we are going to get you through this. You're Rayna Jaymes and yeah you made mistakes, but ultimately you need to be happy. And if you were not happy, then I am right behind you." Tandy held her sister tightly, comforting her and her girls, who had not gone upstairs, quickly followed.


	3. The consequences

**A/N You guys are so sweet and kind! Happy you're enjoying the story and thank you for letting me know **** In the meantime as I write this I'm making a fanvid, it's been a long process so far, but I am trying to unleash my creativity again and thank you all for reading **** Let me know what y'all think! This story will be far from over!**

As the day went on, Deacon found it harder not to look at the clock. He had more important things to think about. But he couldn't shake it, Rayna would now officially be Mrs. Wheeler. He shuddered at the thought. Although he knew it would bring up a new argument between the newlyweds, cause there would be way in hell Rayna would change her last name for him, no matter how big a star that son of a bitch was.

He opened the door of his bedroom, boxes in hand of stuff he figured no one would want anymore and headed into the hallway. He ignored Scarlett as she rushed into the hallway from the living room where she had been waiting anxiously after Gunnar had left to deal with his issues.

"Where are you going with those boxes?" He kept walking, already annoyed again at her hovering.

"It's crap I'm putting on the sidewalk to be picked up by the trash." He answered her shortly, her following shortly.

"What crap? What is in the boxes? Why did you pack those?" he rolled his eyes at her worried voice following him as he stalked out and put the boxes on the side of the road. He turned around to face her.

"Look, Scarlett, I…" He trailed off, frowning as another voice ran out.

"Hey! Claybourne!" He frowned as he faced a furious Luke Wheeler, moving out of the way quickly before the man could land his fist in his face. He heard Scarlett cry out. "Oh no you don't!"

"What the hell do you want, Wheeler?" He shot out as he tried to land another punch, this time landing on his jaw.

"Don't play dumb, you son of a bitch, where is she?" He cried out as he grabbed Deacon, wrestling with him to take control.

"Aren't you supposed to be at your big ass wedding right now?" He saw Luke's face change, not knowing he could be even angrier.

"Was this the plan all along huh? Some sick game you two were playing? Were you screwing her behind my back?"

"Stop it!" He could hear Scarlett crying out, but he was still struggling to keep Luke from punching him.

"She was mine, Claybourne! I was giving her and those girls everything they ever wanted, her career was taking off, that damn record label was soaring, but no, she waited until the day of the wedding to tell me she wanted you anyway!" They were wrestling on the grass as Deacon let it sink in.

"She was on top because of me, but it was never gonna be enough cause you couldn't stop begging her! I told you to let her be, but you just couldn't stop yourself from getting in the way, huh? You're goddamn pathetic, Claybourne, a no good drunk, and a piss poor excuse of a man and you're gonna drag her and that family down again, but I guess you deserve each other, don't you?"

That was it, Deacon let out a cry as he flipped them over, holding Luke Wheeler down with all the strength he had and punched him in the face hard as he laid there in the grass.

"You never deserved her! And she was on top cause she got herself there, you petty son of a bitch! You had nothing to do with it, she never needed you, she's gonna be a hell of a lot better off without you! You're just a selfish and jealous good for nothin' loser and you always will be! I ain't never seen her so miserable since she said yes to you, but you've been too much up your own ass to even notice!"

He kept on punching him, not having noticed people in the neighborhood coming out of their houses and watching them. They definitely did not notice the guy recording the fight on his phone.

"You're the one she doesn't deserve, you're gonna ruin her again, like you always have!" Luke shouted at him as they started wrestling again, until the police showed up and pulled them apart. Scarlett rushed over to Deacon as he spit out some blood on the grass and got up, pushing the officer away from him.

"Are you alright?" Deacon kept looking at Luke, seeing his lip bleeding and a cut above his eye. Both were still staring each other down.

"You're both gonna regret this. This isn't over, Claybourne! Get your damn hands off of me!" He yelled at the officer holding him, heading back to his car in anger and driving off with screeching tires.

Deacon was breathing hard, brushing off his clothes as he saw the neighbors still watching.

"What are you all looking at?" He yelled back at them, Scarlett putting an arm around him.

"Come on, let's go inside. Come on…"

"I'm fine, Scarlett, don't you have a boyfriend to take over of?" He sneered, but she ignored him as she lead him inside and closed the door as the police got everyone to go back into their houses.

Rayna was sitting on the couch, a little lost in thought, trying to let it all sink in. The girls and Tandy were in the kitchen, making lunch to try and cheer her up a little. She smiled as Maddie came out.

"Hey, sweetie… come here…" She held her arms open as Maddie joined her and snuggled up to her.

"Mom, now that you're not marrying Luke… Is everything gonna go back to normal?"

Rayna sighed. "Well, that is the plan, yeah. I mean, all this, the big Christmas thing in Australia, and the TV special and all that, that wasn't us and I'm sorry, baby… I'm gonna try and get things back to normal as much as I can…"

"It's probably gonna be all over the news though, right? Does that mean we're gonna be chased by reporters again?" Maddie asked, clear how much she was hating the thought of that already.

"Honey I am gonna try to do everything in my power to keep that from happening… I mean, the first few days might be tough when they find out, but we'll figure something out… the important thing is, that I am not letting anything come between me and my family anymore. You girls always come first for me and I'm so sorry that it all got so out of hand. I never meant for that to happen…" She tried to explain as she held her daughter. She knew how she had especially been affected by all of this and hoped it would provide some kind of relief. "I know it's been so hard on you and I swear that's never gonna happen again…" She kissed her head.

Maddie nodded. "Mom… Can I ask you something else?" She started carefully.

"Anything, baby…"

"Did you stop the wedding, because…" She didn't get to finish as Bucky rushed through the door.

"Rayna…" he seemed out of breath and Rayna smiled apologetically, knowing Tandy had already informed him over the phone of what had happened.

"Buck, I'm so sorry about all this, I just…" He shook his head.

"I know. You should just be happy, Rayna, but we have a problem."

Rayna frowned and sat up. "What is it?"

"There's press everywhere, I barely made it through to get inside. I don't know how they found out already, maybe Luke told them, but they are asking about you. You need to make a statement." He told her.

"Already? I thought you said we'd make up a game plan for all of this." Tandy said as she walked in, Daphne in tow.

"Well that's when I thought we actually had time to make up a plan. But we don't anymore. The press knows and they are already making up their mind, who knows what they know. If we're going to save your career and the label, you need to get out there right now."

Rayna shared a look with Tandy and swallowed thickly. "Okay. Then let's do this."

"Are you sure about this?" Tandy asked with concern.

"I have to, Tandy. I did this and I need to deal with the consequences." She said firmly as the three of them went outside.

She was shocked to see just how many reports had gathered outside her gate as they walked over. She was worried, she knew the kind of stories they had made up about her in the past and this time she really had caused a mess. She was going to have to be really careful.

"Just keep it brief, professional and positive." Bucky told her quietly as they approached them.

The press went crazy as she got there, everyone yelling out questions about what was going to happen now, why did she call off the wedding, what would happen to the tour, did they have a fight? A few things stood out to her though, like was it true she had called it off because she was marrying Deacon Claybourne instead. And had she and Deacon been together all this time, but wanted to boost her career to provide for her family. Where did they come up with that stuff?

"Rayna, is it true you called off the wedding?" One asked.

She nodded. "Yes, that is true. I realized that we had a difference of opinions about life and the direction we wanted to go into."

"Why did you wait until the day of the wedding?" Another asked.

"I care about Luke Wheeler and I always will. But we weren't meant to be together."

"Are you back together with Deacon Claybourne?""Fans will be outraged you broke his heart, what do you say to that?"

She took a deep breath. "What happened between Luke and I is an awful thing and I hope he will be very happy in his life. Our love story may be over, but our friendship, I have faith, will endure."

More questions rang out, but Bucky took over as Rayna hung her head and turned back around, Tandy putting an arm around her shoulders as she lead her sister back inside the house.


	4. The aftermath

**A/N Thanks again for all your reviews and such, happy you are enjoying this! Was hard to write that fight, but let's see what the aftermath will be **

Rayna sat in her living room again, already feeling exhausted, but knew it wouldn't stop. Her phone had been ringing off the hook and both Tandy and Bucky were talking to people to minimize the damage she had caused. She sighed as her phone rang again and she picked up.

"Ms Jaymes, this John Walters from The Tennessean, are it true you called off the wedding because you are still involved with Deacon Claybourne? Are you going to marry him now?"

"What? I… no, it, stop calling me!" She hung up, not understanding where this was coming from. As Tandy walked in, she shook her head.

"I don't understand this, I really don't. I mean, this is like the divorce all over again, why is it every time I break off a relationship, it has to be about Deacon? The last three calls were about only that. I just don't know where this is coming from, especially after that Rolling Stone article." She told her sister, hanging up right away as her phone rang again.

Tandy sighed. "Well honey, it's not that strange. After the history you guys had together. And they need a reason, they always do, you know that."

Just then her girls ran back in.

"Mom, mom! You need to see this…" Maddie told her as they looked frantic.

"What? What happened, did you read an article about why I cancelled the wedding, because honey those are just…" She started, but Maddie shook her head.

"It's Deacon and Luke, Talia sent me this. It's all over the internet." Maddie explained as she sat down and quickly showed her mom her ipad, Daphne sitting with them.

Rayna frowned as she watched her daughters press play on a YouTube video that showed Luke and Deacon fighting on the ground in front of Deacon's house.

"What in the world…" She watched and listened in shock as the two men fought over her apparently.

"Well, I guess that explains why the press is asking about Deacon so much…" Tandy carefully said.

Rayna shook her head. "I don't even… This is… I was never with Deacon behind his back and how, how dare he say all those things…"

"You mean Deacon?"

"I was not on top because of him, I got myself there, I earned it all myself!" She angrily said as she watched the video. "How dare he take credit for that!"

"And how dare he accuse you of going back to him, too. You cancelled the wedding because you didn't see eye to eye about your lives and careers. Right?" Tandy asked, her daughters both looking up as well.

"I… yeah, of course. I mean, that wasn't me. I just can't believe they did this. This just makes everything so much worse." She sighed, falling back against the couch.

"Tandy?" She looked up as Bucky peeked in from the kitchen. "I need you in here." Tandy nodded.

"Will you be okay in here? We'll take care of it, alright?" She tried to reassure her sister, Rayna just nodded slowly.

"Thank you, we'll be fine." As Tandy walked out, she ran her hands over her face.

"Mom… why did Luke say those things?" Maddie carefully asked.

"Didn't you love Luke, mom?" Daphne added.

"Listen, do you remember all those stories in the magazines when your daddy and I got divorced? That's just what this is, too. Luke is just angry and hurt and he's blaming me and I guess Deacon, because well, he just doesn't understand why this is happening." She tried to explain.

"But why would he make up stories like the reporters did? Luke's not a reporter." Daphne concluded.

"No, he's not. But like I said, he's just hurt and confused and he wants someone to blame."

"Do you still love Deacon?" Maddie asked and Rayna didn't know where to look.

"Honey, Deacon and I… We… You know, we have had a very long and complicated history. And it… I care about him, but we, I did love Luke. We just didn't fit together." She tried, but was even confusing herself.

"Are you going to talk to him?" She swallowed hard at just how quick her daughters were jumping onto this subject just like the media was. How did they all know so much?

"I don't… I don't know. I'm not so sure he would want to see me. We kinda had this argument last time we talked."

"You mean about that article in the Rolling Stones magazine?" Maddie told her and Rayna sighed and nodded. Of course they had read that.

"He just wasn't very happy with the things I shared, so… I'm not really sure what's going to happen. Maybe it should just be the three of us again for a while. What do you think about that?" Rayna tried with a smile.

Maddie shrugged, not really looking at her.

"We just want you to be happy mom." Daphne told her and Rayna smiled at her and kissed her head and then kissed Maddie's as well.

"We'll make it through all this, I promise. No matter what happens, nothing is going to come between us, alright? We're sticking together. No matter what." She held her girls, knowing things were going to be tough and knowing she had some big decisions to make about where to go from here. There would be some tough conversations she needed to have as well, some she dreaded more than any other. Well, maybe only one…

It was late at night as the girls were off to bed and Rayna flopped back on the couch, exhausted from all the phone calls they had had to make, all the press she had spoken to. She had turned the TV on and was flipping channels when she came across the fight again. It was displayed all over the news as the newscasters debated on why she had broken it off. Again of course Deacon was mentioned. They had fought over her and why else would that have happened if there wasn't something there? They did have a long history, who knows, maybe some of their connection was still there.

She watched in frustration as they went there, until suddenly the TV was shut off. She looked up and saw her sister sitting down.

"I know what you said, Rayna, about why you did it. I know that, but it's not exactly a coincidence anymore that every reporter out there mentioned Deacon. Just what's going on?"

"Nothing. They probably saw the video of them fighting. They're grown men, just, why did he have to do that and make things worse than they already were?"

"Well why did he yell at Deacon that he was going to drag you down again? Why would he even mention it if there wasn't some truth in it?" Tandy persisted.

"Luke's always been jealous, somehow thinking every time I was around him or even mentioned Deacon, he'd get angry."

"Well why did he?" Tandy narrowed her eyes as Rayna just blinked at her. "Rayna… Is that why you broke up with Luke? Because you're still in love with Deacon?" Rayna's eyes widened and she looked away.

"I… I just…"

Tandy sighed. "Rayna… you can't keep doing this…" 

"I know that, Tandy, alright? But I have told you before, I told you, I have always loved that man and we have something together."

"But you chose Luke. They both proposed and you chose Luke over Deacon. You said you couldn't go down that road again. Think back of everything you've been through and what he put you through. Think about Maddie…"

"I know I chose Luke. And from the moment I did, it just… It felt different, I did it before, I did it with Teddy… He once told me I had always been in a relationship with Deacon and that I had cheated on him emotionally."

"Honey, this is not the same situation. Teddy was there for you. You were pregnant and Deacon had to go to rehab for the fifth time. You were happy with Teddy. You even had another daughter together."

"Don't… You know as well as I do why we got divorced. And I ended up back together with Deacon and it finally felt right again…"

"Yeah, until he found out about Maddie and almost got you killed…"

"he was not the only one at fault there, alright? And things are different now. I've seen him with Maddie and he is on the right path, he is a good father to that girl, to both of them…" She was almost in tears, trying to explain why exactly she should have chosen him and not Luke.

Tandy sighed. "Rayna, I just want you to really be sure about this. You have said no to that man so many times, because you were scared of what might happen. You were scared that he might go off the deep end again, just like he did last time. Can you honestly say you're not scared anymore?"

"Being scared doesn't mean I should go and find someone else to replace him and pretend I don't care. I can't do that anymore, Tandy. I can't just keep doing this. I can't keep telling him to move on, while I try everything to be away from him and end up thinking about him anyway and what life might be like if I did choose him. We can't keep dancing around each other. We know how we feel about each other. And maybe it's time that I let that take charge instead of my fears of trying again."

"But what if something does happen again?"

"I don't know, Tandy. But I can't let my life be ruled by fear. And I can't keep hurting him over and over when all I want is to be around him and to stay with him. He has worked so hard and he gets me, he actually gets me, like Luke never could. We have something together that I'm never going to get over and I don't want to look back anymore. We're both different now and everything is out in the open."

Tandy sighed. "All I want is for you to be happy." She grabbed her hands and squeezed them with a smile. "If that's really what you want, then you need to go talk to him."

"The press will probably be staking out his house, too, right?" Rayna asked, looking very nervous.

Tandy nodded. "Yeah, probably. So maybe just wait a little while longer, they'll go away and then take my car and go talk."

Rayna nodded slowly. "I think that maybe I should take the girls away from here for a bit, just to let things calm down a bit."

"I think that might be a good idea, but people might start talking though."

"I don't care anymore. It's time I take back control of my life again and my career. Enough with all the tv specials and reporters looking into my life. We're going back to the way it was, my private life will be private again and it's nobody's damn business what goes on around here."

Tandy smiled. That was the sister she knew. She hugged her.

"It'll be just fine and I will stay as long as you need."

"Thank you, Tandy. I dunno what I'd do without you…"


	5. Long overdue conversations

**A/N Thanks for all the reviews once again! Always love to read feedback and hope it's all realistic. Now I know what everyone is mostly waiting for and… keep reading ;-)**

Deacon slammed the door shut behind him after chasing yet another news crew off his lawn. This was ridiculous. He had done everything he could to get away from them and even when the wedding was cancelled, he was right in the middle. This was so typical of the new Rayna though. Yeah, sure, he had felt some relief and even hope when he heard Luke utter the words. But then he just felt anger.

Just a few weeks ago she had told him to move on. Again. Cause so had she, even though she hadn't. So He had to go through watching her parade around with that gigantic rock and the ass that went alone with it and forced to be on tour with that same ass. It should have all been over now. But no. On the day of the wedding she made headlines even bigger than he had imagined and all of a sudden he was included. How did it even get to that? Had they fought over him? Had she said something?

No, it didn't even matter. He couldn't think about that anymore. Cause his life was going to be over soon and the last person he wanted around him for those final moments were Rayna Jaymes. Why couldn't she have gone through with it? She could have been happy, start a new life. Why did she finally have to change her mind now?

He threw some more things into boxes, absolutely furious about all the reporters he'd had to get rid of already. He was seething when he saw himself rolling around in the grass with that lowlife on the news. He ran his hands over his face, he wasn't sure how much more he could take today.

He groaned as he heard the knock on the door. Not another one. He stormed off to the door, ready to give them his piece of mind, when he stopped in some shock, but quickly masked it with indifference.

"What are you doing here, Rayna?" He saw how she licked her lips and looked at him nervously. "If you're here to tell me the wedding is off, I already got the message."

She had been sitting in her sister's car for over an hour, watching his house, feeling more and more guilty as he got rid of some lingering photographer. She had contemplated what she would even tell him and had eventually come up with a speech. But the second he opened the door and was suddenly in front of her, her mind was completely blank.

She tried to read him, but somehow his emotions weren't so open on the table as they had been. She thought there was some anger though, definitely when he started to talk. Maybe there was a hint of an accusing tone as well. She gulped.

"I… yeah, I saw the video… I am so sorry, Deacon, I didn't mean to get you into all this mess…" His eyes stayed cold, indifferent.

"Why are you here?" She looked up, feeling her heart beating a mile a minute.

"I just wanted to apologize… for this whole… Luke coming over here, I didn't know he was going to do that… I don't know what he was thinking…"

"Yeah well, I don't know what you were thinking either. So guess you have a lot in common." Yep, definitely anger.

"Look, I know that… what I did… this whole wedding, it was a mistake. It was a mistake since he proposed on that stage and I never should have agreed. I just envisioned this life that I thought I wanted, with him as an equal partner. I thought he understood me, but it all got out of hand and I… you were right. That wasn't how I wanted to live. Being around cameras all the time… Being in the public eye like that… It lead to…" She swallowed thickly, feeling tears come on as she admitted everything she had been feeling. "it lead to me leading a life I vowed never to have. And I was wrong, Deacon. About the article, about Luke, about… about you… and the girls, it… I dragged them into it too and it wasn't fair on anyone and I know that… I might take them away for a few days, until things settle down…"

"Good for you. Glad you finally figured it all out on the day of your wedding." She looked up, surprised at the coldness in his voice. "You know, I almost feel sorry for the guy. I mean, I thought I was hurt by you, but wow. Leaving a man on your wedding day. Now that is just harsh. But I guess it all fits in with your new persona right? Rayna Jaymes, the Country superstar?"

She frowned. "Deacon… I… I know I made mistakes, I came here to talk to you…"

"About what exactly, Rayna?" He crossed his arms.

"Well, like I said, I was wrong… I was wrong about so many things. Luke and I… we never had what we had, Deacon, it… it never felt the same. I thought that I wanted a change, that I could start fresh with him as someone who went through that whole big career thing and understood what it was like to be in the spotlight. But I was wrong… He wasn't… I don't want him to be another Teddy…" Her eyes were filled with tears as she looked at him, trying to convey her feelings to him. "I know I hurt you… When you said you loved me and I told you to move on… But you know me, you've always known me…" The first tears were falling already.

"Yeah, I thought I did. But the person I've seen these last few months, I don't know that Rayna. I don't want to know that Rayna, the queen of country who puts her career before everything. Who suddenly gives the press entrance to her entire life, not just the current one and not just her own, but mine too and our relationship."

Her tears were flowing freely at his words and how cold he seemed.

"Deacon, I know you're hurt and I'm sorry… I am so sorry for all of it… Please don't do this… Just… I need some time to figure things out, get the girls settled and then… Then I think we should really talk… because I… I do love you, god I do… And I know you're angry and you have every right to be… But I also know that you do love me…" He shook his head right away.

Scarlett had been in her bedroom for a while, trying to sleep, but it just wasn't coming. She heard some commotion and headed into the hallway carefully, eyes wide at the conversation she overheard.

"I did say that I love you, Rayna. And as much as I wish I didn't, it's something that just won't go away. I've tried. Believe me, I have tried. I tried when you married Teddy, I tried every single time you told me to move on, to find the next bend in the river, I tried when you got divorced and still didn't want me, I tried after I found out you had lied to me for 13 years about me having a daughter, I tried when you told me that was it and we needed to stop being around each other and I tried when you told me over and over again that you were going to marry Luke and I needed to let go. But you know what? People told me you were like an addiction to me, more than alcohol and pills, you were the biggest addiction of all. And I fought them about it, because you were always it for me, even when I saw you in those stupid magazines and sold us out just for your own career. You told me to move on and part of me is ready to do that. I do still love you Rayna. But I don't like this version of you and I never will. So let me repeat after you. I'm moving on and so should you."

"Deacon please don't… Just… it's so fresh now, but it…"

"No!" He shook his head again. "No. It's fresh for you. And you're right. You should go figure things out, find yourself again. Get off those damn high heels of yours and take the girls away so they can have their mom back. They need you, they always have. More than that label or all that new success you suddenly gained. Hope it was all worth it. And oh, here."

She stood shaking, trying not to break as he headed inside for a moment. She watched in surprise as he came back out and tossed her a set of keys.

"Take them to the cabin. Stay as long as you want. I'll probably sell it in a while anyway. Too many memories, you know?"

"Deacon, no… Just… What if you came with us? It… Maddie would want to see you…"

"Oh don't you dare bring her into this, Rayna. Just go. Take care of them and yourself. Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore. I don't want to be that guy who sits around hoping you'll change your mind over and over and maybe, just maybe some day figures out her life and who she is and who she could be if she stopped being so scared. I'm done waiting for you, Rayna. So go and I'll hear from Maddie when y'all are back in town. Good luck." He ignored her protesting with a whimper as he closed the door.

Rayna stood shaking on her legs, tears falling, no longer caring if any reporters showed up. She slowly made her way to her car and finally broke down, this hurting so much worse than she she had ever felt.

"What the hell was that?" Scarlett immediately questioned angrily. Deacon jumped a little, startled as his niece was suddenly behind him. "That was the stupidest thing you've ever done."

He rolled his eyes. "Leave me alone, Scar."

"No! You have loved that woman for like, well forever. And now she's here, obviously seeing the mistake she made, which you had wanted her to since she met Luke and you tell her to go away?!" She shouted, clearly angry.

"It's my business, not yours."

"You can't do this. You are going to need her and she needs you. You're in love and you need to stop pushing people away!"

"I don't need her. I don't need anyone. So leave me alone." He closed his bedroom door in her face a second time that day.

She shook her head in determination. No way was she going to let him do this. She was going to step in and do something, no matter what it took.


	6. Determination

**A/N Thanks everyone for your reviews and follows and favorites! For all the Deyna fans out there reading, I am one too, so don't worry, just following where I think the show might take it. So loads of drama, but do not worry! Things always have a way of working out **

**Hope you all had great holidays! Loving all the other fics about this subject and love how we all take different directions. Does make it a little more difficult cause I keep comparing them, but I'm gonna keep writing as much as I can, to make sure I keep up the confidence, so I don't end up stopping again. Let me know your thoughts! Much love 3**

Rayna drove home after crying a long time. She couldn't believe this was happening. She knew she had hurt him bad, over and over again. But for him to push her away? After telling her he loved her and she should just learn to live with it? It couldn't be true. They did love each other, she knew that and so did he.

She hadn't expected him to grab her and kiss her and that was it, but this… this was the last thing she had ever thought would happen. They belonged together, the more she thought about it, the more she knew. But she had hurt him deeply and even more than she had realized.

She was glad there was no press in sight as she drove back up the house and headed inside. Unfortunately the same could not be said for her sister, who expectantly looked at her the second she came in. She just shook her head and was engulfed in a hug as she let her tears fall freely once more.

After her tears dried they sat on the couch together, Tandy stroking her hair like she always did when they were younger and Rayna had needed her. She told Tandy what happened and heard her sister sigh.

"Well, maybe it's a sign, Rayna. Maybe you really shouldn't be together."

She looked up with a frown. "No, I don't believe that. We have danced around each other for so long and fought so many battles together, him saying it doesn't mean it's over now. He's hurt and I get that, because what I did to him was awful. He's been waiting for so many years and I kept holding him off and now too much damage was done."

"So what do you want to do then?"

"First, I am taking the girls to the cabin like he suggested and we are going to take time away from the press and all this crap until it blows over. I need to get my life back in order so that he will see I'm still me, I'm still the Rayna he remembers. And then, I am marching back over there and I'm not taking no for an answer. Cause if he thinks he can suddenly change his mind now, he's got another thing coming." She said with determination.

"Sweetheart, what if he was telling the truth? What if he really doesn't want to be with you again? You two have hurt each other so many times. Why would this suddenly be any different?"

"Because it's all in the open now. There's no more secrets and I don't want to be scared anymore. I'm taking care of the girls and me and he's next. I'm not letting him walk away that easily."

Tandy held on to her sister, not sure this was such a good idea. But she knew, once Rayna Jaymes made up her mind, there was no stopping her. Not when it came to Deacon Claybourne.

Deacon didn't sleep a wink that night. He felt angry. How dare she do this? Stomp on his heart all the time, making him move on again and making him think it was the end for them and then show up on his doorstep like always? More beautiful every time he saw her, making him want to grab her and kiss her until the sun came up. Making him want to drag her off to bed and forget Luke and Teddy and Liam had ever existed.

This wasn't fair. She couldn't do that, not now. He had almost wanted to take her in, say yes to anything she asked. But he had to be strong. Now was not the time and it never would be again. He couldn't go back to her. No matter what. No matter how beautiful she looked and how good she smelled and how much he wanted to tear her clothes off…

Damn it! Why couldn't she have just married Luke son of a bitch Wheeler? She could be happy then in her way, with a new life and the kids taken care of. They deserved that. They would have been so much better off. But no, she had to decide at the very last minute that she didn't want all of that, she wanted him.

He didn't have anything to offer her anymore. He was going to have to give up on music once again when he would get too sick and soon after he wouldn't be able to do much of anything anymore. She had her music career and her record label which was growing amazingly and of course the kids to look after.

Those two amazing girls of her… He couldn't stand to think about them having to deal with all of this. No, he wouldn't let that happen. He'd do anything he can to protect them from this. This illness. They didn't need to be around it. They should be happy, be kids, just live their lives.

He'd try to keep it from them as long as he could and avoid Rayna. Of course he'd still give guitar lessons to Maddie. He sighed, thinking of her. But he wouldn't get sad. He deserved this, he had it coming for everything he had ever done. He had thought he deserved to be happy, he was almost there, so close, yet so far yet again.

He'd call his lawyer tomorrow to make up his will. He already knew what he would leave to whom and it would be handled quickly. They'd be taken care of, he'd make sure. Maybe in the meantime Rayna would find someone new. Hell, he might even help her find someone if he had to. She would end up happy, he'd see to it. And not waste her time taking care of him until he passed on.

With those thoughts he stared at the ceiling, determined to keep her out of his life.


End file.
